I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
