i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
