1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
