Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wear drunk well.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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