you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
