You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
