you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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