and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
