from now on my penis is your penis
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
