dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
