dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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