Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
