some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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