you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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