i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
