please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
