Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
