Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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