woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
