I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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