I cockslap morals
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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