I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
