And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
