at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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