We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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