We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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