You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
