Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
