I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She said her name was "party"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
