Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
