wakey wakey hands off snakey
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
