This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I FOUND THE LEGS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
