Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
