I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
