I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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