i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
