when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i think i just lost a toe
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
