I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
