my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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