Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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