now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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