I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
