u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
