I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
