She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
