I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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