the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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