I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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