windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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