Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
