A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
