I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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